I do not accept your resignation.

Conventional wisdom isn't always right.

One day my second-in-command at BlogHer came into my office, devastated to share that one of her direct reports had turned in their resignation. This was a stellar employee who had joined us in her early 20s, grown with us, and with more room to grow ahead. Back when Millennials were the butt of many a joke about entitled employees (funny how GenZ get the same rap now, right?), this employee was the leader of a cohort of Millennial team members who belied all the stereotypes.

I hopped on the phone immediately and got said star performer on the phone. I said, “Hey, I just saw your letter of resignation, and I do not accept it.”

I don’t think she was expecting that. That’s my bad #1.

Just a few questions later, I found out that she was tired of living a state away from her family and longtime friends and longed to move back down to Southern California. Yes, she still loved her job and the team. Yes, she felt appreciated and acknowledged. Yes, she had learned a lot and still felt she had room to grow. Yes, yes, yes to our job, our company, our mission. And yet…when she wanted to move, she thought resignation was her only option.

I was shocked. When

Jory Des Jardins

, Lisa Stone and I co-founded BlogHer, we had no budget, and we had no staff. We all lived in the Bay Area, but if you’re from around here you know that living in Oakland, Half Moon Bay, and San Jose as we respectively did at the time, was not exactly being local to one another. From the jump, we were working remotely. We planned the very first BlogHer conference and all its complicated moving pieces, while getting together in person only once every few weeks at a coffee shop in San Mateo (chosen because it was equally inconvenient to all three of us…something that probably only happens in places like the Bay Area).

It’s no wonder that our company was built with a remote-first perspective. Even after we raised funding and leased offices, about 50% of our workforce was always located remotely from either office. And even employees who worked out of our offices could work from home anywhere from 1 to 4 days a week, depending on their commute and life requirements.

This flexibility was part of our origin story, and, we thought, well-known to every team member. Moreover, we assumed every team member would know that that flexibility could apply to them if needed. It wasn’t just for us. It wasn’t just for sales people. It wasn’t just for our online support team. It could be for everybody.

Obviously, it wasn’t obvious. That’s my bad #2.

Conventional wisdom will tell you that once a person has given notice, they’re already gone mentally. Let them go gracefully. Maybe they'll be a boomerang employee, maybe they won’t, but they’re bound and determined to leave once notice is given. Or they’re just looking for more money (as though looking for more money is a moral failing!)

I beg to differ. And I had followed that conventional wisdom it would have been my very very bad #3.

A great employee is worth keeping. Worth fighting for even. And you can assume you know what’s going on in someone’s head…or you can ask them.

If you’re a Brené Brown fan you may have heard her use the language, “The story I’m telling myself is…” We all have them. Including your employees, your managers, your clients, your partners. When someone shocks you with news, it’s probably not about you. It’s probably about a story they are telling themselves.

Which you won’t know until you ask.

So how did it go once our aforementioned star moved? Well, she stuck with us for many more years, including a year of turmoil when we needed to re-purpose some roles, including hers, but she hung in. She was promoted at least one more time. And she has two references for life in me and her manager.

Oh, and very shortly after moving she met and started dating the person who would become her spouse and the father of her truly adorable child, who is growing up with grandparents nearby.

Totally a win all the way around.

Next in things I’ve done that buck conventional wisdom: The time I cried when laying someone off…and I stand by that!

What have you done that the mythical “they” have told you not to when it comes to your professional life?

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