The most valuable currency in your career is (still) who you know.

But the myth of meritocracy never dies.

It all started with this Threads share from author and organizational psychologist, Adam Grant.

I’m not someone who was waiting for an opportunity to push back on this famous author, thinker, and (reputed) mensch. I’ve read him; I listen to him; I generally like and respect his perspective.

But this share sat with me for a while, tugging on my brain, making me wonder why it bugged me. Of course, I figured it out, because that’s the benefit of obsessive over-thinking. So I quoted his above statement and added this comment:

Social media algorithms beg for superlatives…for Grant to declare “the most valuable currency” in your career instead of, “How well you learn is more valuable than how much you currently know.” A standalone comparison that I agree with. 

What his statement leaves out is something that a lot of folks may prefer to leave out…the old cliché that it’s not what you know; it’s who you know. And yet there is something insidious about leaving the role of who you know…otherwise known as your network…out of the equation.

In an example of the more things change, the more they stay the same, the post I published almost 20 years ago to recap the first BlogHer conference was entitled “The Myth of Meritocracy.” (Thank you, Internet, the post is still live!) I wrote then about how people tried to pretend that the world of tech and Internet content was a meritocracy, where there were no gatekeepers; there was no power structure. That it was “democratized.” That the cream would always rise.

It was no more true about tech and the Internet than it was of any corporate gig I ever had. We’ve all known the mediocre person who rises. The whip-smart person who stagnates.

The reason the myth of meritocracy is powerful is because it’s comforting to everyone. If you are favored by the power structure, it’s comforting to think that you, nonetheless, simply worked hard to get where you are, that you got where you are fair and square. Even if you are not favored by the power structure, it’s comforting to think that if only you work hard enough, you too can rise. Sometimes, we want to be even what we can’t see.

It doesn’t demean successful people to say that who you know remains a powerful asset, in fact the most valuable one. Rather, it weakens everyone else to pretend that it’s not. And it protects the system. It gatekeeps the system. It focuses our attentions on valuable pursuits…of course learning=good…but it defocuses us from something just as valuable…understanding the “who you know” truth that is so basic it has risen to be a cliché in the first place.

So, yes to learning how to work with generative AI. Yes to keeping up with the latest social media and marketing channels. Yes to learning another programming language. Yes to understanding demographic and psychographic developments in your space. Yes, to learning to speak to your company’s numbers as CEO, even if you have a CFO.

But just as much yes to allocating time and energy to connecting, relationships, building and being in community. That does not come naturally to us all, but many things you now regularly do without much thought did not come naturally to you either. Those skills have been feminized... how often have you heard that women are just born connectors?...but women, too, can work on these skills on their own behalf, not just for others.

Like most skills ceded to women, these skills have been denoted “soft” and devalued commercially, but what if we told (and were told) a different story? What if we acknowledged that the skill of building your network, and the quality of the relationships in it, is highly valuable? That it’s the one thing that gives you hope of evading ever-more-automated resumé readers. That in a landscape peppered with both open positions and the layoffs that rush more people into the market for them, having a way to rise to the top of the attention pile is not a guarantee, but it is an advantage. That knowing someone in a company can help you find the right person to talk to in that company, even if it’s not the person you know. That, to quote Optionality member Joanna Bloor, there are more people who will say your name in a room you’re not in. That having a diverse distributed network can help you envision partnerships, collaborations, solutions that other people won’t. It’s certainly part of the story of why we created Optionality in the first place.

Premium members: Join us for live for our monthly Office Hours this Wednesday February 14th at 12PM PT. Yes, Valentine’s Day! In honor of it we’ll not only share some community love but also ask you to bring one tip, trick, tool or really any thing that you LOVE! Not a premium member? Upgrade now to join us for Office Hours:

Maybe we don’t just have to fix ourselves. Maybe we need a little honesty about how the system is built and how to operate within it until we can change it.

I’m super curious how you all react when you get advice about self-improvement from people who are, to this day, statistically at an unspoken advantage…does it feel off to you like it does me, or do you think I am obsessively over-thinking myself to the wrong conclusion?

Optionality’s inaugural member webinar is coming on February 21, covering the ins, outs, ups and downs of fractional work. We’ll review the bigger picture workplace trends, hear from those who have organized themselves logistically and steeled themselves emotionally for the fractional life, and understand how a hiring manager thinks about hiring fractionals and socializing the idea in their company. Our monthly webinar series is for all Optionality members, Public and Premium, so sign up today!