OPEN THREAD: How are You Setting Boundaries over the Holidays?
What are your hacks for making the holidays feel more like holidays?
As a young adult I didn’t understand the oft-expressed correlation between holidays and high levels of stress. What was there to be stressed about? I got time off of work to hang out with family and friends. I got and gave gifts!
I still love the holidays, but I now understand some of the reasons why they are stressful:
Straight-up logistics: Traveling over the holidays sucks. Hard stop. Add to this plans for visits or being visited; gift-buying; and ensuring you have designed, ordered, updated your send list, and mailed those cards with the picture of you and the family walking on the beach, seeming to not have anything else to do but think about Peace and Joy.
Someday I will send a holiday card grounded in reality, with pictures of the kids in unlaundered sweats, the house cluttered with dishes and doo dads that don’t have an official place, and me, unshowered and unslept after a night of trying to finish the freaking holiday calendar I insist on designing every year.
Family tradition, loss and weirdness: We lost my mom this year. Even though I didn’t spend every holiday season with her, she was the inspiration behind my many rituals, from decking out the Christmas tree to watching movies on Christmas Day. Even the most joyous occasions are hard when you are experiencing loss. And we also celebrate Hanukkah in our household, which adds a layer of complexity to our rituals. My daughter was furious that I/we plumb forgot to light candles one night. What can I say? I was on a deadline.
And I haven’t even touched on holiday events with family who share different views on politics and the best shows on Netflix.
The collision of work and holidays: The workplace messaging is, “It’s OK. Enjoy yourself!” The underlying message is, “Enjoy yourself…but get your shit done.” Even for those of us who don’t work a standard 9 to 5, we’re scrambling to make quota, finish a 2024 strategy, and cram in all the things that make us deserving of a holiday break, while still fitting in the work parties, office toy drives, and customer gift giving.
And what about those of us who lost jobs this year? The other underlying theme of the holidays: Spending as a form of celebrating, ignoring economic realities until they hit you like a hangover in January. Last year I lost my job right before the holidays. The last thing on my mind: Donning the sequined red pumps and toasting the new year. The parties, gift-giving, and IRS don’t stop to dust you off and stand you back up like nothing happened.
So with all this as context my boundaries are: Do less. Spend on experiences over stuff. And give myself one afternoon—versus weeks—drafting and editing that holiday calendar.
What are yours?
this piece resonates! I have a blended family and my daughter and son-in-law do also, so logistics, expectations and feelings are all challenging. I’m letting go of things like ensuring the house is spic and span from
top to bottom / I just don’t care if anyone else cares about dustballs and crumbs. I am also trying to get outside - moving my body as much as I resist it is a wonderful anecdote to the stress of the holidays. i’m also not drinking booze - originally for health, but now to ensure that my filters stay in place and my triggers are better managed. and finally - finding time for myself and getting lost in the things I do love about the holiday - johnny mathis and a lit up tree in the early am being among those things. Peace.
More less; less more.