Do-or-Die December

When do you give up on a habit?

Are you a fan of habit “stacking?”

#NotResolutionsJustHabits

I am not a fan of making New Year’s Resolutions. Some years ago, however, having read The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, and later the ubiquitous Atomic Habits by James Clear, I decided that what I wanted to do instead was establish and maintain the kinds of habits that, if so maintained, would increase my chances of achieving resolution-level goals.

I started a hashtag, #notresolutionsjusthabits, and I cycled my way through lots of different notebooks, habit tracker apps, and software tools until I landed on Strides as the tool that would facilitate my habit habit.

I set personal habits, like getting religious about flossing, taking my vitamins, walking 6 days a week, and more. I set some professional habits, like making sure I published my newsletter and my podcast consistently.

Some habits I’ve so absolutely nailed that I’d be shocked if I didn’t meet those goals in a given day or week. But there are four habits that I am only consistent in the way I keep not doing them. So I’ve decided this month is Do-or-Die December. I’m going to either figure out a way to get these habits routinized and get some momentum going on them, or I’m going to admit to myself that I just might not care about them as much as I tell myself I do. And then what? When is it OK to abandon a habit, even if you know it’s good for you?

First: How am I succeeding?

When I think of my most successful habits, they are the ones where I have habit-stacked them together into a routine. Here’s my most successful example:

I no longer make coffee at home, so IF I want coffee in the morning (and trust me, I do) THEN I must go for my morning walk. The reward is hitting Starbucks at the end of my loop before the last stretch back home. To go on my walk, I’m going to have to get dressed and ready in the morning, including my morning skin routine (with sunscreen). Then when I get home, I take my vitamins with my coffee. Boom boom boom boom. Four habits stacked up and achieved every single day. Sometimes I even listen to audiobooks while I walk, knocking off my read for fun habit. And it all starts by not making coffee at home. (I know, I know, some of you cannot imagine such a thing!)

Premium members: Join Jory and Elisa for this month’s live Office Hours tomorrow, Wednesday December 13, 12PM PT. Define what small-case optionality (the word) means to you and maybe sit in the Do-or-Die December hot seat yourself! Learn more here. Public members, upgrade today to gain access to these Office Hours and all the other Premium member benefits.

How am I failing, and how can I fix it?

So what are the four habits I have not succeeded in cementing into my routine?

1. Practicing the piano

2. Movement in addition to my morning walks

3. A nighttime skin routine

4. Cooking healthful meals regularly

In deciding to address unmet goals, I have a three-step process:

Get to the root of the problem

Let’s use the piano as an example: Because I haven’t been playing, I am no longer good at it (hence wanting to re-establish my practice). Because I’m not very good, I don’t want to practice in front of anyone. Because of the lockdown, someone is always home to hear (in the form of my significant other)…a no-go for me.

Craft a strategy that acknowledges this reality and addresses it

Realizing the root of the problem was this lack of ability to practice in private, I made an investment at the end of 2022 in an 88-key keyboard that a concert pianist friend of mine recommended to me. It plays like a piano, and it comes with headphones. Voila, privacy. I also tried to set myself up for success by lowering my goal to practicing a modest two times per week.

And sometimes, I need a tactical motivator or “carrot”

That keyboard was meant to be a carrot for better behavior. It also cost me a non-trivial amount of money, which I assumed would be motivating. (All those unused gym memberships would beg to differ, I realize.)

Can you identify a problem with my above strategy?

For me the problem has been that I created the right environment, but I didn’t establish the routine or habit adequately. Two times a week should be achievable, but it’s also just vague enough that it can constantly be deferred

My next and final(?) attempt:

Here in Do-or-Die December i’ve noticed that 5PM seems like a good time for me to practice. It’s before I’m going to start making dinner. But it’s at a reasonable end of my work day when I really can and should step away from the computer.

Hence, my December strategy is to:

• Look at my calendar at the beginning of each week

• Identify two days when I have nothing going on in the evening

• Calendar practice for some time between 5-6PM on those two dates

Specifying the same two days each week probably won’t work, so I will make it part of my Sunday prep for the week to identify my practice days based on my schedule.

So far in the first 10 days of the month I have practiced four times, so problem solved? Maybe?

Example #2: Nighttime skin routine

As per above and what’s going right, I’m absolutely consistent about my morning skin routine, and absolutely inconsistent at night. I have figured out that the root of the problem is that IF I plan to do my routine right before going to bed THEN more often than not I am dead tired and skip it. In fact, I’ve probably fallen asleep on the couch reading or watching TV with the aforementioned s.o. and am half asleep already when heading back to get in bed.

I had the idea for a new strategy where I do my routine after finishing dinner. So cook, eat, clean up, get ready for bed, come back out and watch some TV or read or whatever with the s.o. So far this has succeeded a little…I have done my nighttime routine 5 out of 10 days so far this month.

BUT. I think I need a motivator. I sleep in old t-shirts, so it’s a little weird to do my skin routine, then get into my ratty sleepwear and sit out in the living room at 7 or 8PM. My new idea is to get myself some cute lounging PJs. Something I will feel excited to get into, something I will feel cute in. This is my new idea, and if you have some favorite brands for this kind of indulgence, drop a comment and let me know :)

I won’t walk through the other two habits and what I’m doing about it (or maybe I’ll do it in the comments) but you get the gist.

In addition to telling me about cute lounging PJs, please tell me about your habit stacking successes, your best motivators, any a-ha moments you’ve had about how you establish the habits you want to maintain. I am kind of obsessed with the topic :)

When do you just give up?

By calling this “Do-or-Die-December,” I am holding myself accountable to thoughtfully craft a strategy for each of these four habits, creating habit stacks and identifying motivators to fulfill that strategy. I will do my very best to get them cemented into my routine. When December ends, I’m going to use my habit tracker app to see how I did. Can I go from zero-percent success rate to hero-percent success rate?

And what do I do if not? When is it OK to say, I guess that habit isn’t really that important to me.

I had dinner with a friend this weekend who sad, “Elisa, your skin looks pretty great. Maybe you don’t need that nighttime routine.” Maybe I don’t?

Or maybe my days of identifying as a musician are over…I certainly haven’t been paid for my musicianship for almost two decades.

Or maybe I should focus on ordering more healthful meals instead of cooking them?

When I see the data at the end of this month, I’m going to ask myself these tough questions about why I have set the habit goals I have, and whether I need to change my environment or routine, or whether I need to drop them from my quite lengthy list.

Have you ever given up on a habit? Have you ever given up on one even knowing that it was a healthy habit? Would you rather keep a habit and continually fail at it, or stop considering it an active goal?

Whether you call them resolutions, habits, or something else, we all tend to see the beginning of a new year as a good time to identify what we want to accomplish, personally and professionally. I am looking forward to hearing your approaches.