Wow, I don't think you ever told me either of those first two stories...although I was certainly aware of the toxic culture in scenario #2 company.
Do you remember when #MeToo hit Silicon Valley? Including calling out people we knew? It made me re-think my past 15 years in tech and realize how much poor behavior and treatment I simply accepted as the "way things were." At the time I said survival was all about deflect, deflect deflect...gracefully move away from someone invading your personal space without shaming them, laugh at a lot of stuff that was. not. funny. Try to find, as you say, allies...even in just the business sense...and then manage your emotions when those allies couldn't stick to it when in a room filled with only other guys and me.
Even when we were running an obviously woman-y, feminist company, people said things that were so inappropriate. And I have come to believe they did so knowingly. Just to put us in our place.
As I said in your chat thread yesterday (https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/667e4589-ef6c-4989-bc76-b4346282ad14 ) "...allyship is a guiding principle, an ideal. It is *not* a one-and-done, binary, you are or you aren't kind of thing, because there will always be new opportunities to help and new experiences where you feel you could have done more or done better. "
Oh I remember #MeToo! And I remember continually asking myself, "Where was I during all this bad behavior?" It was learned forgetfulness. The real answer to that question: You were THERE!
Wow, I don't think you ever told me either of those first two stories...although I was certainly aware of the toxic culture in scenario #2 company.
Do you remember when #MeToo hit Silicon Valley? Including calling out people we knew? It made me re-think my past 15 years in tech and realize how much poor behavior and treatment I simply accepted as the "way things were." At the time I said survival was all about deflect, deflect deflect...gracefully move away from someone invading your personal space without shaming them, laugh at a lot of stuff that was. not. funny. Try to find, as you say, allies...even in just the business sense...and then manage your emotions when those allies couldn't stick to it when in a room filled with only other guys and me.
Even when we were running an obviously woman-y, feminist company, people said things that were so inappropriate. And I have come to believe they did so knowingly. Just to put us in our place.
As I said in your chat thread yesterday (https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/667e4589-ef6c-4989-bc76-b4346282ad14 ) "...allyship is a guiding principle, an ideal. It is *not* a one-and-done, binary, you are or you aren't kind of thing, because there will always be new opportunities to help and new experiences where you feel you could have done more or done better. "
I guess this post brought up a lot of feelings!!!
Oh I remember #MeToo! And I remember continually asking myself, "Where was I during all this bad behavior?" It was learned forgetfulness. The real answer to that question: You were THERE!
Learned forgetfulness. And also learned diminishment. To remember it and take it seriously...how much harder would it have made it to continue?