Oh my gosh this is so timely. I am right now holding desperately onto a situation that really doesn't work for me, feeling like I'm going to "lose my place in line." Also shoulding all over myself: "you shouldn't let this go," "you don't know where your next income might come from," "you're so close to retirement, you should keep working as much as you can for as high pay as you can" "you shouldn't leave a single dollar on the table!"
"Can I do things differently? Where do I start?" I don't know.
Oh Anne, I hear you. Having been tortured by the same demon I can't say what you should do--that would be "shoulding" all over you, hah! But I do think it starts with questioning a way out. I'm currently coaching someone in a very senior role who has all kinds of shoulds that keep her quite tied down, she works constantly, has deferred her pay during a down period, and she'd like to relocate and spend more time with family but can't because she feels that as a leader she should be in the office and set a precedent (her direct reports don't have to). There are so many shoulds here! I've asked her, how can you advocate for yourself better so that you don't have to bear so much weight and can stick it out? Can you work part-time while taking a pay cut and spend that time doing things you love? Can you rewrite your own rules and spend more time working from home? Can you negotiate with your partners a part-time arrangement that keeps you invested in, but not beholden to the business and resentful?
I love your phrase, "keeping/losing" our place in line." It really captures the idea that we are keeping up with some "demon" that we may be better served sending on its way. I took 5 years to be a full-time parent, and returning to work, I had different standards for success. I was fortunate to find work that has meaning (what I do now). But "meaning" work at a non-profit or university does not come close to what could be earned in Tech, for example.
And "greedy" work, as Prof. Claudia Golden writes, is at the heart of gender inequality. The reward for working monstrously is so high, that it can be difficult to give it up. The pay gap for other types of work is significant. Many working parents have to decide between one very high income and two much lower ones.
So by stopping this monstrous work, and looking for ways to reduce unnecessary work, we may be shifting a narrative that is holding inequity in place.
Lori, I am really intrigued by how we could reduce what you call "unnecessary work." I'm fully convinced that in my last full-time role I could have gotten 75% of the true impactful transformative work done at hand or even quarter time. Why are we so addicted to meetings? Why do we put so much rigid infrastructure in place even when teams are small? I know not everyone has the same maturity or skillset or mindset, and therefore we have to design in ways to make everyone successful. But, seriously, does anyone love meeting culture, as one example.
And the reason to rethink all of this is because IF we stop valuing time and instead value discernment and manageable sustainable outcome achievement, could it potentially level that playing field momentarily?
I feel your are onto something Lori! I personally am grappling with this whole notion of a binary choice--work too much and get paid; have a life and struggle to make it work. I know it's not that simple of course, but the model is so ingrained into our minds that we've accepted this as a tradeoff, and even make work for ourselves to justify getting paid. I'm going to explore this term, "greedy work".
Oh my gosh this is so timely. I am right now holding desperately onto a situation that really doesn't work for me, feeling like I'm going to "lose my place in line." Also shoulding all over myself: "you shouldn't let this go," "you don't know where your next income might come from," "you're so close to retirement, you should keep working as much as you can for as high pay as you can" "you shouldn't leave a single dollar on the table!"
"Can I do things differently? Where do I start?" I don't know.
Oh Anne, I hear you. Having been tortured by the same demon I can't say what you should do--that would be "shoulding" all over you, hah! But I do think it starts with questioning a way out. I'm currently coaching someone in a very senior role who has all kinds of shoulds that keep her quite tied down, she works constantly, has deferred her pay during a down period, and she'd like to relocate and spend more time with family but can't because she feels that as a leader she should be in the office and set a precedent (her direct reports don't have to). There are so many shoulds here! I've asked her, how can you advocate for yourself better so that you don't have to bear so much weight and can stick it out? Can you work part-time while taking a pay cut and spend that time doing things you love? Can you rewrite your own rules and spend more time working from home? Can you negotiate with your partners a part-time arrangement that keeps you invested in, but not beholden to the business and resentful?
My suggestion: Start asking questions.
I love your phrase, "keeping/losing" our place in line." It really captures the idea that we are keeping up with some "demon" that we may be better served sending on its way. I took 5 years to be a full-time parent, and returning to work, I had different standards for success. I was fortunate to find work that has meaning (what I do now). But "meaning" work at a non-profit or university does not come close to what could be earned in Tech, for example.
And "greedy" work, as Prof. Claudia Golden writes, is at the heart of gender inequality. The reward for working monstrously is so high, that it can be difficult to give it up. The pay gap for other types of work is significant. Many working parents have to decide between one very high income and two much lower ones.
So by stopping this monstrous work, and looking for ways to reduce unnecessary work, we may be shifting a narrative that is holding inequity in place.
Lori, I am really intrigued by how we could reduce what you call "unnecessary work." I'm fully convinced that in my last full-time role I could have gotten 75% of the true impactful transformative work done at hand or even quarter time. Why are we so addicted to meetings? Why do we put so much rigid infrastructure in place even when teams are small? I know not everyone has the same maturity or skillset or mindset, and therefore we have to design in ways to make everyone successful. But, seriously, does anyone love meeting culture, as one example.
And the reason to rethink all of this is because IF we stop valuing time and instead value discernment and manageable sustainable outcome achievement, could it potentially level that playing field momentarily?
I feel your are onto something Lori! I personally am grappling with this whole notion of a binary choice--work too much and get paid; have a life and struggle to make it work. I know it's not that simple of course, but the model is so ingrained into our minds that we've accepted this as a tradeoff, and even make work for ourselves to justify getting paid. I'm going to explore this term, "greedy work".