We are in such a bad place, culturally, with work. Beyond broken. I’m too busy and pressed to make wise observations at the moment (consulting hell: either no work or more work than there are hours in the week because I can’t say no after three months of zero income), but I tried to raise the convo over and over again when I was in publishing: both corporations AND our government continue to operate as of the building block of American households is husband-wife-2-children-of-their-own where one person is primary breadwinner with a 401k and other person has a flexible job. NO JOB IS FLEXIBLE. And the job makes the rules. And the households aren’t built that way anymore — ESPECIALLY for non-white-collar households. It’s infurating and sad that we are all so pressed against the wall that we can’t take to the streets and demand that humans not be seen as machinery to generate profit first and foremost. FEELING SPICY TODAY!
Feeling a sense of relief reading this post! I have felt this issue in other ways, having chosen to take the demanding, soul-sucking role that forced me to hire more outside support (and feeling guilty for it); and negotiating time with an employer to handle family care issues (and feeling guilty for it). Like you, Elisa, I survived. I wasn't struck by lightning. The kids don't hate me. The other party said, "Sure." This binary structure is very real, but more so in our minds. Perhaps if we poked holes in the system through reasonable, confident requests we woudn't have to sacrifice one thing for the the other.
Perhaps, though, those of us from elder Millennials to young Boomers are the last generations raised with a vision of how work works that was born in the industrial age...a vision that isn't really true anymore, and yet we keep trying to mold ourselves into (and think it's something wrong with *us* if we can't get ahead that way). I kind of hope the later generations, who have come into the workplace in a world of constant disruption to that vision, will be instrumental in changing it once they are more ubiquitously in leadership.
Apr 30Liked by Elisa Camahort Page, Jory Des Jardins
I applaud you Elisa! The only way to impact a generic seemingly uncontrollable river flow is by throwing some rocks/logs in it....or thought provoking questions. I know for a fact that women who stopped their careers to spend more time caregiving for an elderly parent (and or children) are some of the most talented people I have had the privilege of working/talking/interacting with. They were significant losses to the organization (some of the employers were trying to get them back when it was of course too late).
I'm with you. I get the lauding of someone's choice....but that's a river going in the same direction same day every day. Nothing changes in society. Let's throw some rocks/logs in the river and ask questions like you are of our employers and government.
Thank you so much for this perspective. I found myself in the same situation in my 30's--2 young kids and a very demanding job and the feeling that I was failing at both. I felt like I had to choose and I chose to quit my job, a luxury that not everyone has. What I realize now, is that I didn't have the self-awareness or confidence back then to set boundaries or ask for what I needed. Leaving the workforce for 5 years put me in a difficult place for workplace reentry. I can only speak from my perspective as a woman, but I feel like this is very common when entering parenthood and we are not set up for success from the get-go--having to return to work after 12 weeks post-partum and then faced with new-born care, new way of living and demanding careers. There has to be more consideration given to the return to work model for new parents and that does fall on companies to make a consious decision to make a change to their policies.
So agree on all points. optionality member Lisen Stromberg wrote the book on this, called Work, Pause, Thrive. There are certainly companies who have taken pains to update and modernize their policies, but so many companies say "bring your whole self to work" out of one side of their month while really not wanting to hear about it if you need help managing the interplay of life and work responsibilities.
So relate
Thank you! (and I'm sorry!)
We are in such a bad place, culturally, with work. Beyond broken. I’m too busy and pressed to make wise observations at the moment (consulting hell: either no work or more work than there are hours in the week because I can’t say no after three months of zero income), but I tried to raise the convo over and over again when I was in publishing: both corporations AND our government continue to operate as of the building block of American households is husband-wife-2-children-of-their-own where one person is primary breadwinner with a 401k and other person has a flexible job. NO JOB IS FLEXIBLE. And the job makes the rules. And the households aren’t built that way anymore — ESPECIALLY for non-white-collar households. It’s infurating and sad that we are all so pressed against the wall that we can’t take to the streets and demand that humans not be seen as machinery to generate profit first and foremost. FEELING SPICY TODAY!
Spicy Stacy is truth-telling Stacy!
Substack needs a fire emoji.
Feeling a sense of relief reading this post! I have felt this issue in other ways, having chosen to take the demanding, soul-sucking role that forced me to hire more outside support (and feeling guilty for it); and negotiating time with an employer to handle family care issues (and feeling guilty for it). Like you, Elisa, I survived. I wasn't struck by lightning. The kids don't hate me. The other party said, "Sure." This binary structure is very real, but more so in our minds. Perhaps if we poked holes in the system through reasonable, confident requests we woudn't have to sacrifice one thing for the the other.
Perhaps, though, those of us from elder Millennials to young Boomers are the last generations raised with a vision of how work works that was born in the industrial age...a vision that isn't really true anymore, and yet we keep trying to mold ourselves into (and think it's something wrong with *us* if we can't get ahead that way). I kind of hope the later generations, who have come into the workplace in a world of constant disruption to that vision, will be instrumental in changing it once they are more ubiquitously in leadership.
I applaud you Elisa! The only way to impact a generic seemingly uncontrollable river flow is by throwing some rocks/logs in it....or thought provoking questions. I know for a fact that women who stopped their careers to spend more time caregiving for an elderly parent (and or children) are some of the most talented people I have had the privilege of working/talking/interacting with. They were significant losses to the organization (some of the employers were trying to get them back when it was of course too late).
I'm with you. I get the lauding of someone's choice....but that's a river going in the same direction same day every day. Nothing changes in society. Let's throw some rocks/logs in the river and ask questions like you are of our employers and government.
What a great metaphor, Zack, I love it.
Yes, Zack! I’d take it even further and say let’s be beavers and build dams in those rivers!
Yes!
Thank you so much for this perspective. I found myself in the same situation in my 30's--2 young kids and a very demanding job and the feeling that I was failing at both. I felt like I had to choose and I chose to quit my job, a luxury that not everyone has. What I realize now, is that I didn't have the self-awareness or confidence back then to set boundaries or ask for what I needed. Leaving the workforce for 5 years put me in a difficult place for workplace reentry. I can only speak from my perspective as a woman, but I feel like this is very common when entering parenthood and we are not set up for success from the get-go--having to return to work after 12 weeks post-partum and then faced with new-born care, new way of living and demanding careers. There has to be more consideration given to the return to work model for new parents and that does fall on companies to make a consious decision to make a change to their policies.
So agree on all points. optionality member Lisen Stromberg wrote the book on this, called Work, Pause, Thrive. There are certainly companies who have taken pains to update and modernize their policies, but so many companies say "bring your whole self to work" out of one side of their month while really not wanting to hear about it if you need help managing the interplay of life and work responsibilities.