Elisa this was a perfect way to end the month and tee up the next one; just call out what the women we celebrated this month experienced and solved for. Of course, we're hardly done with solving for these taxes, but acknowledging them and finding our own bespoke ways of handling them are needed to overcome them.
Thanks, Jory. Despite current t times that make me feel like we are going backwards, I feel confident that my own awareness and acknowledgement is evolving forward. I'll never forget when the #metoo movement was in full swing, and I thought back on some of the stuff I just accepted and deflected earlier in my career. I'm confident I'd deal with that stuff differently (and better) today!
I've been calling this a bias tax for awhile (vs. a confidence gap). This is such an important topic - there is a huge tax for being an outsider but some of that tax can be building skills that are actually important. E.g., the social and cognitive agility that comes naturally to outsiders and that is very difficult to people for which the path is paved for them. Jensen talks about this as suffering that builds character... I ponder this against a lot of contexts including the trend for snowplough parents and the elite paths created from the private school to elite colleges. What is interesting is that I still believe that every life has suffering and that there is no scale on suffering but I think the byproducts can be very different. I'm going to write a book about being an outsider so I'm thinking about this a lot.
Very interesting. I do absolutely think that challenges can build strength. I often say we'll know we have reached true parity and inclusion when mediocre women (or people of color and so on) can rise to the top. In the current environment, getting into the halls of power at all requires exceptionalism.
One arena in which I think about that is how much stock we seem to put in thinking that being a digital native is going to make someone a better choice, but for those of us who had to *adapt* to the digital world and made it through, doesn't that speak to an entirely additional set of skills and strengths?
One of my mental taxes comes in the form of parenting. Constantly worrying, second guessing, feeling bad or unsure about the decisions and actions shaping my son’s life. It’s exhausting to feel like I’m constantly making the wrong move, or like I’m not spending enough time volunteering for school, having amazing heart to heart talks, or making homemade dinners all the time (although my husband does that more than I do, and I really need to step up more for him!),
Basically feeling like I can’t win no matter what.
I’ve never experienced anything like the doubt, worry, and indecision that come from being a mom!
Do you think your husband pays that same tax? Not asking whether he DOES stuff, but do you think he worries so much about what he's doing or not doing?
Actually yes, but that might be unique to our family. I think I definitely take on more of the burden but he’s also constantly second guessing himself and feeling like he’s doing things “wrong” and it really overwhelms him at times. He takes on a lot of the “task” work (laundry, cooking) because I think that’s how he copes with it - feeling useful.
Elisa this was a perfect way to end the month and tee up the next one; just call out what the women we celebrated this month experienced and solved for. Of course, we're hardly done with solving for these taxes, but acknowledging them and finding our own bespoke ways of handling them are needed to overcome them.
Thanks, Jory. Despite current t times that make me feel like we are going backwards, I feel confident that my own awareness and acknowledgement is evolving forward. I'll never forget when the #metoo movement was in full swing, and I thought back on some of the stuff I just accepted and deflected earlier in my career. I'm confident I'd deal with that stuff differently (and better) today!
I've been calling this a bias tax for awhile (vs. a confidence gap). This is such an important topic - there is a huge tax for being an outsider but some of that tax can be building skills that are actually important. E.g., the social and cognitive agility that comes naturally to outsiders and that is very difficult to people for which the path is paved for them. Jensen talks about this as suffering that builds character... I ponder this against a lot of contexts including the trend for snowplough parents and the elite paths created from the private school to elite colleges. What is interesting is that I still believe that every life has suffering and that there is no scale on suffering but I think the byproducts can be very different. I'm going to write a book about being an outsider so I'm thinking about this a lot.
Very interesting. I do absolutely think that challenges can build strength. I often say we'll know we have reached true parity and inclusion when mediocre women (or people of color and so on) can rise to the top. In the current environment, getting into the halls of power at all requires exceptionalism.
One arena in which I think about that is how much stock we seem to put in thinking that being a digital native is going to make someone a better choice, but for those of us who had to *adapt* to the digital world and made it through, doesn't that speak to an entirely additional set of skills and strengths?
One of my mental taxes comes in the form of parenting. Constantly worrying, second guessing, feeling bad or unsure about the decisions and actions shaping my son’s life. It’s exhausting to feel like I’m constantly making the wrong move, or like I’m not spending enough time volunteering for school, having amazing heart to heart talks, or making homemade dinners all the time (although my husband does that more than I do, and I really need to step up more for him!),
Basically feeling like I can’t win no matter what.
I’ve never experienced anything like the doubt, worry, and indecision that come from being a mom!
Do you think your husband pays that same tax? Not asking whether he DOES stuff, but do you think he worries so much about what he's doing or not doing?
Actually yes, but that might be unique to our family. I think I definitely take on more of the burden but he’s also constantly second guessing himself and feeling like he’s doing things “wrong” and it really overwhelms him at times. He takes on a lot of the “task” work (laundry, cooking) because I think that’s how he copes with it - feeling useful.